"People seldom walk over you unless you lie down."
E. Wheeler
Sometimes people will use dirty tricks to get their way without any regard for the effect
on those around them. What makes them dirty tricks is that they try to control or to win,
without a concern for what's fair to the other.When one side uses dirty tricks, the other
feels trapped in a damned-if-you-do-or-damned-if-you-don't situation.
A way that some people do that is to overreact when we point out the effects that their
behavior is having on us. Or they divert attention from their act by saying it's us or our
reaction that's the problem. They try to blame us, rather than see their act as causing us
to have to react.
If someone uses a dirty trick, it helps to call them on it by saying to them, "I
care, but I'm caught in this quandary. If I don't say anything about it, it just keeps
happening. But if I bring the situation up, I get blamed as if it’s me overreacting
or causing the problem. What's best to do?" Using the Quandary tool is a way to put
responsibility for finding a solution back onto the one who's causing it.